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In answer to Mei’s “what food are you” meme, it’s tempting to go with lemons: bitter and twisted and at my best with a gin & tonic, but that’s too obvious.  I think I might be Cherryade, with a fizzy & bubbly surface, loud and attention-grabbing, leaving you with a sour aftertaste and the nagging concern that you’ve absolutely no idea what I’m really made of (though it sure as hell ain’t cherries).  I’m concentrating on drinks, for some reason.  There’s not a whole lot left in the Booze aise.

Speaking of which, I have looters in as I type – it’s quite exciting, after the monotony of the last coupla weeks.  I was afraid, at first, that the police would be coming to clean out the store to supply the quarantine hostels (or whoever is still safe enough to be running the hostels, which still aren’t officially letting people out), but it turns out to just be a group of kids, none of them older than 17 by the look of it.  I’m watching them on the monitors right now – I never saw anybody looking so frightened while acting so tough.  They’re following the path I set, looks like they’ve found the prize.  That’s all the Tim-tams and crisps gone…oh, and one of them has the sense to take the rice and beans – I’ll have to re-stock the bait after they go.  They’re still hanging round talking… come on, fellas, appreciate the company but it’s time for you to turn around.

Fuck it, one of them’s looking through the gap in the shelving – I’ll have to block that from behind after I’ve seen them off.  Yep, they’re gonna try and climb over.  Time for a tannoy announcement…


About Elaine

To those who are reading because they know me: Hey Macaronies, pull up a carton and block the aisles awhile – you are welcome here. To those who don’t know me: you know me. You hear my voice every week as you wheel your brats down the aisles, overloading your trollies with overpriced E-numbers, underpriced cotton panties and the tattered shards of my dreams, you shuffling, undead scum of the Earth. Just kidding. Greetings valued customers. My name’s Elaine, and I’ll be pointing you in the direction of the magnificent deals and very special offers available on this blog. If there’s any way I can enhance your reading experience today, please leave a snotty comment and I’ll do my best to feign interest.

14 responses to “Looters

  1. Ash

    What did you say? Did they go? Is everything alright?

    • Elaine

      I said: “Take what you’ve got and scram, or I start shooting.” They did. They’re still hanging around the car park, though; I can zoom right in on them.

  2. Jack

    What are they doing?

  3. Mei

    If they are so young, why not help them?

    • Elaine

      If they’re anything like I was at that age, they wouldn’t want me around, and given there’s more of them than me I don’t see that ending well.

      • Kittyllama ⋅

        You’re too tough!! Poor kids! 😦

        • Elaine

          It’s not that I’d mind them taking more, I just didn’t want them thinking they could stay here. I doubt they’ll bring me any trouble, but they won’t be the only ones wandering the streets looking for stores to loot. Another trip to the hardware aisle may be in order tonight.

  4. Fiona

    Wow, girl, you’ve got some guts!

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